Raindrops From the Sun

Mar. 26th, 2026 08:44 pm
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[personal profile] tracker7
Bennie and my dad met at Dyess, in the Air Force. I'd heard stories about him for much of my life, and we finally met around my mom's funeral. We got along well, similar senses of humor, and exchanged phone numbers before he went back to North Carolina.

We talked a couple of times a year. Funny guy, a conservative-leaning boomer but not, you know, one of them.

About two weeks ago, I got a call from him. One of his daughters actually made the call for him. He wanted Dad's phone number, said that his new phone had lost it. We chatted for a few minutes. He sounded very weak, like a ghost, I thought later.

Dad called a few nights ago. Bennie had passed on. He and Dad had gotten to talk for a good long while. Bennie knew his time was coming, I guess, and wanted to say his goodbyes.

My own new phone didn't copy the call history from its predecessor, so I can't easily look and see when I had the last conversation with Mom. But Bennie's call is there. The last time I talked with my dad's best friend. This world we live in - there's a dead man in my phone.

+ blah again

Mar. 16th, 2026 05:10 pm
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[personal profile] ffox
 totally forgot i have an exam on thursday. almost certainly am going to fail that. 
had a shower at lunch time and put my pyjamas on. i am feeling incredibly grouchy today. i just want to eat all the ice cream in the world and be left alone. 

+ parfum

Mar. 17th, 2026 05:06 pm
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[personal profile] ffox
 

this little stitch took me two evenings, and a few hours of listening to boleyn traitor by philippa gregory and was overall very enjoyable. its been sunny today for the first time in living memory (it feels like). chris took moose for a long walk and i lay on our bed on lunch and sunbathed. bliss. i am down 3lbs this week. pretty sure i am just dehydrated though.

 

+ ovo you didn't

Mar. 18th, 2026 08:59 pm
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[personal profile] ffox
ovo continue to piss me off. they are so inconsistent with their handling of my old accounts driving me mental. they've offered me £35 compensation this time, but i think i am going to push for more as honestly its actually beyond a joke.

its been gloriously sunny today so chris has been down the harbour. moose and i have been at home and moose has brought most of the garden inside to munch on.

lauras interim school report came home with her today, she has improved in some areas, but is putting in less effort in others. hopefully the summer one will show her effort improviing. i sent her to the shop to get a treat, then cooked sea bass with couscous. gorgeous.

last evening of revision ahead, liverpool are playing galatasary. chris and his dad are ringing each other to moan about the team as i write this.  

i feel like as soon as the sun comes out, i love my life again. 

(no subject)

Mar. 20th, 2026 04:51 pm
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[personal profile] ffox
 ive barely slept. i ended up lying on the floor of the shower at 3am, sobbing. 
chris went to see him today in hospital. all his siblings have rallied around. i keep expecting dad to ring and say it was a prank. who will i go for lunch with to discuss books and politics and history and art. who will i cook elaborate meals for just to see his face light up. he was talking about moving down to be with us and live by the sea. its not fair at all. it was fathers day in spain, portugal, italy, honduras and bolivia yesterday. and today is the spring equinox and the world is coming back to life after its hibernation. 
what a cruel joke. 

+ the end of all things

Mar. 19th, 2026 08:42 pm
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[personal profile] ffox
 my father in law died this morning.of a suspected heart attack.
he was a true gem of a man. he was as close to me as if i was his real daughter. he loved to debate the deeper meaning of anything, he was clever, and funny, and he loved good food and drink and company and my life will never be the same. 

chris is broken. i don't know how he will recover from this. 

we were at the beach having a picnic lunch, enjoying the sunshine and talking about how lucky we were when the phone rang. it was amy, utterly hysterical and chris just repeated dads dead?? as if he couldn't fathom what he was hearing. he's at his sisters now. i can't wrap my head around it. such a presence just snuffed out, and so suddenly.

gaz rang, he spoke to the ambulance people. he said it looked like he had just fallen asleep in his chair. 

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