tracker7 | Entries tagged with crazy

This is the rundown on the recent dramasplosion, as given to my awesome cousin last night. Posting it here so I can look back and chuckle ruefully in later times.

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Alright, so let's roll back a bit. About Christmas, Diane breaks up with Ohio Dude, and as is her way, comes to my shoulder to cry on. I'm reaching a tolerance point with this sort of thing, having been her "go-to guy" (her words) for ... a while. We hang out, as we do, no big deal.

Flash to mid-May. Housemate's birthday, he rounds up 12-15 people for dinner and whatnot. I'm not feeling super-social that day for whatever reason, but he's my buddy, I go out and contrive to make an early exit. Diane's there with this New Dude, no big deal and IDGAF because I'm over that for years. So, I bail at my appointed hour. Text her a few hours later because she was worried about me (or said she was at dinner), and outta nowhere Holy Shit The Crazy. She's pissed because I'm at my own home having a drink, and she really wanted me to get to know New Dude and she wanted to get my take on him and whatever. She says some shit that cuts awfully deep, like into the metaphorical bone, and I'm ... I'm not happy with this. I wait about 24 hours, reply and clear up her misconceptions, and start thinking, yeah, this is about to be over.

A few days ago, two pics from her, a baby squirrel at the vet clinic where she works. What the actual hell. I'm supposed to respond over a fluffy-tailed tree rat?

Sunday afternoon, game day at a nerd bar. New Dude is there, and is apparently deeply fucking hurt that I didn't shake his hand. Whatever, there are a lot of hands I didn't shake that night, and just 'cause his is cupping her tits or something don't make 'em special. There's some kind of poly dating thing going on, I don't know or care, but the GM for the game I'm playing that night is New Dude's other girlfriend or something, and holy shit did GM's SO Syndrome hit.

Game wraps, everybody splits, I get a couple of cheeseburgers and retire to stately Bourbon Manor to watch some baseball. And text bombs begin. "Why don't you like him? GM wasn't comfortable with you hitting on her, what has come over you?" Blah-blah-blahdy-blah. As a sidenote, GM said Housemate was hitting on her too, and that made her uncomfortable, and that was my pegging-the-bullshit-meter moment because Housemate and I have sufficiently different tastes in women that any greater difference would mean one of is cruising for dudes.

I am mad. There's this known scale of anger with me - basically, the less talky I am, the madder I am, until I hit the very high threshold and am super super angry. Welp, I got talky to Housemate, who is getting text-bombed by her, too. I was shaking. Went into my phone, blocked her, same on social media. Gave Housemate the phone so I didn't do something rash, then take it back and show him the message bombs. It's getting up around 10PM and I am not calming down, so I call her (and of course she doesn't pick up) and leave a voicemail straightening some shit out, and end telling her that maybe I'll be in touch again and maybe not but right now this is shit I don't have to deal with so I'm not going to.

And this afternoon I check my e-mail and there's an OKCupid match list and at the bottom I see that GM has viewed my profile.

So, lulz.

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And there was additional nonsense today. The organizer of open Friday night gaming at a FLGS put out a call for additional GMs. I asked to be put on the list, he asked if can run something tomorrow night, I say how 'bout Edge of the Empire (because I can whip out the beginner game and run that on short notice), and he says cool and adds me to the FB conversation for event GMs ... and about 15 minutes later "[Dude] has left the conversation."

This is what I'm just no longer dealing with.

Current Mood: amused

The interview went well, I was offered the job, but after giving it an evening's thought, I turned it down. I can do better, especially for the summer, and probably will be doing so in the next week or so.

I almost went back to Louisville that evening. D called, having had a pretty rough day. We talked for a while, and again later in the evening, and things got onto a good-enough keel. But the talk led to something strange.

Nightmares hit Thursday night, and the worst involved me killing a friend. Not the more common lucid dreams - I was purely along for the ride. Woke up pretty scared. So, adrenaline from the nightmares plus concern about D plus having to scrub some other plans for Thursday evening at the last minute, and I had some kind of chemical soup going through me. I had this shell of civilized behavior over the strongest fight-or-flight-or-fuck state of mind I've felt in years, and some text messages and phone calls on Friday inadvertently added to that. Nothing worked to bring me down - I wrote, I drove, reconnected the PS2, went for a walk, etc., and it would not go away. I made things worse by going to Liberty, and the clutter there did a number on whatever strain of OCD that hits me from time to time. Came back home Saturday night, running less-traveled and more-interesting roads than the fastest, most direct route, stayed up until the wee hours trying to read before giving up and mixing a high-strength drink or two and letting that knock me out. Woke up on the couch late Sunday morning, having left bed sometime during the night, made myself take a shower, and watched hockey and handled some GenCon work all afternoon.

Monday, still some residual whatever-this-was in my system. Read, wrote, made some phone calls. Went to class - only one more session!

Going back to Louisville this evening, maybe sooner if I can get an appointment to check out an apartment. Not super-thrilled about the event that the date is centered on, and I won't be able to bail out, but it's only a couple of hours and the company will be good.

Current Mood: confused

Spent Saturday with my grandmother, parents, and niece. Watched movies, mostly, and showed Mom a few more tools for her computer. Went to Berea, late, and Erin came to Lexingon with me.

Sunday, some good, some bad, and we'll leave it at that.

Still dealing with the mild craziness. It's bothering me. Work's not helping today, especially - all of the sales goons will be leaving in about half an hour, and won't be back for the rest of the day. Means I won't have to deal with certain twits, but it also means that the next six hours will stretch out like they're being drawn into a black hole. Will continue to monkey with InDesign and Mutants & Masterminds, but even those diversions - and they'll be plenty constructive, at least - won't help as much as I'd like.

Current Location: 100 Midland Avenue

I've spent several hours this week learning more about wrangling InDesign. This is good - I'm being challenged, not sitting around looking for something to do. It may pay off reasonably soon, too - we've got a designer who may not be around much longer, and although there are certainly going to be candidates with better portfolios than me, I'm already in the system, and with the current HR climate throughout McClatchy, an internal hire is more attractive.

Of late, I've noticed a powerful resurgence of a part of my personality I do not like at all - a drive towards self-destruction. I don't know where this thing comes from, but every few years, it shows up and makes things rather icky. I've recognized it early this time around, and don't expect to make too many dreadful mistakes, but I'll quite probably be making the occasional panicky phone call to a few of you.

Massive storm system moving into the area for the day. Two waves of storms, the larger of the two hitting in the afternoon. Should be all kinds of fun on the commutes.

John McCain announced his candidacy last night on Letterman. 8 years ago, I would have been behind him, at least a little bit, but as he's made a bad habit of dropping lockstep into the BushCo doctrine. I think he's a more viable candidate than Giuliani; don't really know enough about Romney. The likelihood of anybody on that side of the spectrum getting my vote is pretty slim, though.

tegyrius' Blue Planet game starts up tonight. The last time we played BP was about forever ago, but I remember greatly enjoying it. It's one of the best-designed settings I've ever seen, and if it has a fault, it's that there's so much to do that you can't really touch everything. This is going to be a fun stretch of gaming.

On a loosely-related sad note, Necromancer Games is shutting down. They put out some great D&D3/3.5 material.

Current Location: The Bunker

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